Wednesday, March 15, 2000
Reducing loneliness is just one goal
By David Allen
Okinawa bureau chief
CAMP FOSTER, Japan - Lance Cpl. Mary Smith lives two lives.
During the day she's a Marine serving her country, reveling in the special sense of brotherhood that is, perhaps, the Marine Corps' best selling point.
But at night she becomes an actress, playing a role so other Marines won't guess her secret. She's a lesbian desperately trying to get along in the era of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Smith (not her real name) is on Okinawa for a one-year unaccompanied tour. She says her life since graduating from boot camp more than a year ago has been
complicated.
"You have to play the game," she said during an interview in an off-base restaurant. "It's unfair to everyone - myself, the men who ask me out and the Marines. It gets to be so stressful trying to maintain the faade that it gets hard to concentrate on work."
Smith says she does not date women on Okinawa and has maintained a discrete
relationship with just one civilian in the United States. She is afraid of being
harassed.
In the wake of the fatal beating last year of Army Pfc. Barry Winchell at Fort Campbell, Ky., the Department of Defense directed the services to undertake a campaign to educate all servicemembers on the "Don't Harass" portion of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
Smith believes it's not working.
"It would be cool to be able to rely on `Don't Harass' and just live normally," she said. "But I've already seen it not work. A good friend of mine was harassed after someone discovered she worked part time in a gay club. Someone took pictures of her and left them anonymously on her commander's desk. Then some fellow Marines beat her up real bad."
Her fears of being singled out for discharge if she reports any harassment are not invalid, says the Servicemen's Legal Defense Network, an advocacy group.
The watchdog group releases annual studies of conditions for homosexuals in the
military. It said there were 982 reported cases of harassment in 1999, an increase of 142 percent over the previous year.
"While the Department of Defense claims everything is fine, events of the past year show that conclusion to be a whitewash," said C. Dixon Osburn, the group's
co-executive director.
He said the report "details the dramatic and horrifying results of a bad policy made worse by failed leadership."
The Pentagon is skeptical of the group's figures.
"In the past, they have been somewhat anecdotal in their findings," said Rear Adm. Craig Quigley, a Pentagon spokesman. "But if there are specifics, enough for us to actually do something with, we will. Harassment ?is not tolerated in any of the services, at any level, for any reasons."
However, Quigley said the Pentagon does not keep detailed statistics on such
harassment case.
The Inspector General is expected to issue a report on the implementation of the gay policy later this month.
The SLDN also disputed the Pentagon's claim that most gay discharges result from
homosexuals voluntarily coming forward to be discharged.
"The reality is gay members often come out under duress as a last resort to protect themselves against constant anti-gay harassment, including verbal gay bashing, death threats and assaults," the report said.
Servicemembers contact the SLDN every day afraid they may be the next Barry
Winchell. In addition, some servicemembers conclude that, for reasons of integrity, they can no longer serve under a policy that, as implemented, requires them to lie to their parents, best friends and health-care providers as a condition of military service.
"They want to serve, but Uncle Sam says, `I don't want you.'"
The feeling of isolation a gay servicemember feels also can lead to opting to separate from the military, the SLDN said.
However, there are other options.
One of them is to find other gays and form a support group. But that can be difficult in an atmosphere of fear and suspicion. Smith said it was a dilemma: She needed friends, but would have to identify herself as a homosexual in order to find them.
"That was until I saw an ad in a local magazine," she said.
The ad was placed by Kim Sagendorf, the program coordinator for the University of Maryland's graduate office and a student in the school's master's program in
counseling.
"As a heterosexual who has been surrounded all my life by gay friends and
relatives, forming a sexual identity group for gay and lesbians seemed natural,"
Sagendorf said. "There seems to be such a discrepancy between military policy and what actually happens to gays and lesbians in uniform. They are pretty isolated, especially on Okinawa, from any kind of support system."
The group formed in November 1998 and meets about twice a month.
"I screen the calls very carefully to weed out any hostiles - anyone looking to infiltrate and `out' the members," she said. "I also seek to eliminate any swinger types and thrill seekers. We're not a dating service. We want to provide a way for people to come and meet and not feel so isolated and alone."
The meetings are held off base. There are about 20 regular members, servicemembers and civilians, but the makeup of the group changes frequently as
people are reassigned and new members join.
"When someone first calls me, I'll set up a time to meet them and just walk around and talk for an hour or so, making sure of their intentions and letting them find out if what we have to offer is what they're looking for," Sagendorf said.
"Looking back over my records, I guess that I have received about 95 phone calls and e-mails since I started, about 45 of which I actually met with in person to screen for the group," she said.
"There's a lot of diversity in the group; the ages are from the late teens to 63," she said. "It's roughly half male and half female and from a wide variety of backgrounds. They come to us suspicious at first ??ere is a real fear of being `outed' and of witch hunts."
She said the group was wary, at first, about any publicity. "They are real anxious about any stories in the press and concerned about confidentiality," she said. "But, at the same time, they want other people to know we are here and can offer help and guidance."
Many members are just tired of having to pretend they are something they are not, she said. "It's really good for them to be someplace where they can just be
themselves."
Pretending to be someone she's not is new for Mary Smith. She "came out" when she was 19 and was accepted by her family and friends as gay. A few years later, one of her friends talked her into joining the Marines.
"I thought it would be good - get away from home, get some schooling, give me a
chance to live on my own," Smith said. "I was really excited about the challenges of boot camp. I figured I wanted to go through the toughest they've got."
She excelled. She also did well at her first military school, but got stereotyped when she refused to date.
"Because I wasn't sleeping around, I got tagged as queer," she said. "I quickly found out that no one will let you be just a Marine, you have to be labeled as something else, too. Basically, if you're a woman you're either a slut, a dyke or a kiss-up."
The harassment in school was mainly just name calling, she said. But it was enough to make her change her behavior when she was sent overseas.
"I just don't get into any involvements," she said. "It makes me safe. But it makes for some lonely nights, too."
She'll respond with smiles when a fellow Marine tells her some male lance corporal has eyes for her, she said. She'll even joke around with the men, respond uncommitted to their advances, stringing them along to keep up the pretext she's a heterosexual.
"I think I'm safe 'cause I don't date anybody seriously," she said. "The only way I could get into trouble is if they caught me in a sexual act, or even just kissing or hugging or holding hands with another woman. And I'm not doing that."
She says Sagendorf's group has helped her cope.
"The group is great," she said. "I don't really get much of a chance to talk to other gays and lesbians. It's easy to lose touch with yourself and being alone and alienated."
Sagendorf can be reached at:
090-9487-3303 or by e-mail at
namastar@hotmail.com.
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